Netherworld City. Never in a thousand hells could you find more wretched a hive of scum and treachery. Backstabbing is the polite way of saying a hello; rape and arson are mundane incidents. This whole city is filled to the brim with monsters, perverts, and all-around ne'er-do-wells.
Frankly, it kinda pisses me off. I
hate competition.Hi there. Name's Black Mage. I killed my whole family when I was two. I probably killed
your whole family sometime since then. See, for me, death and murder are like sex and chocolate. I'm not really sure where I'm going with that metaphor, except to say that I really like all of them. Especially combined.It was a cold night in the city. Which is weird, because I kind of thought we were living in a volcano or something. Whatever, not important
. It was cold, okay? The back alleys of Netherworld City aren't a cozy place even under the best of circumstances, but the frosty stares I was getting from my compatriots didn't exactly make me feel welcome.
Their leader, a burly man with one of those gay sailor mustaches. "You do the job?"
"Who exactly do you think you're talking to?" I replied, having suddenly found my fingernails extremely fascinating. "Of course I finished the job. I'm not an
amateur, in case you hadn't noticed.""Whatever, man. You took out the witnesses, right?"
"But of course." My favorite part of any job. "Killed the wife, the kids, even the family dog."
"Nice work. Your cut is-"[[Black Mage is The Perpetrator. If you have a case, chances are good he's the culprit. Have at him.]]
"Wait, I'm not finished." Sometimes it's hard to remember all of the victims, so I usually write it down on the list I now pulled out. "Uh, let's see... Bellboy saw me coming out, killed him, there was a couple in one of the hallways, killed them, this old man- he didn't actually see me, but I pushed him out the window anyway, uh... pretty much everybody on Main Street, some pigeons, uh... I killed the taxi guy on the way down here, too. I think that's everybody."
I received a few stares.
"What? I'm thorough. Sue me."
"'Leave no witnesses' doesn't mean killing EVERYONE YOU SEE, numbnuts!" snarled Popeye the Gay Sailor. "That does it. Cap this 'tard, boys."
It took him a moment to realize "the boys" were currently lying on the floor, Stabby and Slashy having been formally introduced to their small intestines.
"I told you," I said, drawing Cutty from my sleeve. "I'm thorough."